Lunch With An Old Friend

It’s always good to re-connect with old friends. I had that oppurtunity recently. The gentleman I met with is a man I was very close to 20 years
ago – we lost touch as we both married and began having children. I knew going into this meeting that my friend’s marriage is in a very precarious state. They are both extremely unhappy and chaos rules their lives – it is very sad and so unnecessary. What is very distressing to me is that this situation is very common in our society and it is almost accepted as the norm – “marriage is tough with a lot of suffering.” Equally distressing is the fact that solutions and answers seem to be nonexistent and those in positions to help and offer counsel refuse to get involved or don’t know how to even approach the problem. The elephant in the living room is the fact that the one thing that will, without a doubt, remedy this problem is simple to find, readily available and ordained and sanctioned by Almighty God Himself. It is this: the traditional order of family life as given to us in the Sacred Scriptures and the Magisterial teachings of the Catholic Church. Sadly,tragically, it is the last place that most of our clergy and laity who are in positions of authority will look for the answer. Our modern sensibilities tell us that these teachings are outdated, old-fashioned and they simply don’t apply. Woe to us in our blindness and foolishness. We have fallen into a pit and refuse to lift ourselves out.
I told my friend that he and his wife are living in a way contrary to what leads to success – they have everything turned on its head. He looked at me
with bewilderment and confusion. I added that it is very difficult to succeed even with God at the center of our marriages – it requires virtue – but it is impossible without God in the center. It is a form of marital suicide to ignore what Christ’s Church teaches on how to live our lives.
I offered to my friend a ray of hope, I hope. His wife’s best friend is equally
unhappy and bitter in her marriage – they speak very frequently on the phone and in person. I asked my friend who was the head of his house and the house of his wife’s friend – he said in both cases that the ladies in both cases were in control and running the show. I asked the simple question “is it working? are you all happy?” He did not hesitate and answered “no” I pointed out the inescapable correlation: when Daddy doesn’t lead and Momma usurps his God given authority, the lights go out and darkness falls.
A friend once told me that when our wives grab hold of the reins in the home, it is like she has grabbed a live wire – it is killing her but she can’t let go.
To be fair and completely up front and honest – let us state that it is very understandable that women feel the need to take control – with the way that most men conduct themselves today, a state of extreme anxiety and worry very often overtakes a woman’s mind and heart. So, the problem is indeed twofold – poor leadership and the natural tendency of Mom to fix things and make them right.
Back to the ray of hope I offered my friend – considering the influences in his wife’s day to day living, I suggested he expose her to women who live according to what the Church teaches and consequently enjoy peace and happiness – let her see and feel the radiance of the result of being in the state of grace and in the will of God. Maybe that will touch her heart and mind and start a new way of thinking. He agreed and we will meet for supper soon. I’ll share the results of that supper next time. God Bless.